i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
