how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
