You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
