I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
