Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
