i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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