You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
