i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
