You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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