So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Everything about him screamed your future.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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