i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Boobs are out for the taking
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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