____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
