I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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