I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Four minutes until I can fart!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend