Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert