I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
