where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...