Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

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(818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life. http://tfl.nu/wz8b

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(320): View more from Minnesota

im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...

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(320): im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it... http://tfl.nu/g5dr

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(512): View more from Texas

There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.

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(512): There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW. http://tfl.nu/izzq

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

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(337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv

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(718): View more from New York

at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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(718): at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue. http://tfl.nu/efry

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex

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(608): i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex http://tfl.nu/mh19

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

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(978): I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine. http://tfl.nu/o5fg

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.

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(978): He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment. http://tfl.nu/fwul

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(765): View more from Indiana

He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.

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(765): He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26. http://tfl.nu/98vv

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.

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(617): The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library. http://tfl.nu/8dpw

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol

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(321): Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol http://tfl.nu/hpqb

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

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(501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo

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(512): View more from Texas

Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.

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(512): Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely. http://tfl.nu/gnvv

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(925): View more from California

Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.

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(925): Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days. http://tfl.nu/goog

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines

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(901): Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines http://tfl.nu/paji

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