she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
