OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
