Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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