Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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