my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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