You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
