i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
