Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
