you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
