all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
