dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
