Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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