At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
