i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize