he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
