I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
