party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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