I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize