Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
