I think im going to throw up on grandma
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
