Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
