Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's blow job season.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize