this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
