lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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