Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
