I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
