you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
