Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a hot homeless man
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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