Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
