spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
