And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
