This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
