Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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