So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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