what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
