There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I could fuck to npr.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
