so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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