You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
