The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
