ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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