He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
