Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
