He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
