Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize