singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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