his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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