Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
