The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
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and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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