your thong is hanging out like whoa
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
