I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
