My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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