DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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