There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
