worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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