There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
