Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
