Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
