Christians are straight up FREAKS
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
