he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
