Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
