i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
