my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently you make a good broom.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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