WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
