i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
