i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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