so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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