The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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