Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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