she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she told me i tasted like america
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
